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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925761">Self Medicate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite'>EbbaTriesToWrite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Old Guard - tumblr request fills [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Old Guard (Movie 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Nightmares, Platonic Cuddling, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:22:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sorry I woke you.” she whispers into the dead of night and he hushes her, she needn’t apologise for this, “I wish this would stop.” </p>
<p>“I know,” he mumbles and grabs her hand, resting their joined hands over her chest, “I wish I could help.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Booker | Sebastien le Livre &amp; Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Booker | Sebastien le Livre &amp; Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman &amp; Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Old Guard - tumblr request fills [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1881205</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>318</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Self Medicate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Joe loves, he loves deeply, with all of his being. So when Nile wakes up gasping for breath with tears streaming down her face yet another night he feels it just as deeply as he loves her, a hurt in his heart for a pain he does not relate to. He hears how she stifles her cries and after only a moment’s hesitation he untangles himself from Nicky and curls up around her instead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry I woke you.” she whispers into the dead of night and he hushes her, she needn’t apologise for this, “I wish this would stop.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” he mumbles and grabs her hand, resting their joined hands over her chest, “I wish I could help.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They’ve had this conversation hundreds of times already and Joe feels utterly hopeless. Nile doesn’t want to sleep anymore but even immortals need rest and it’s all wearing down on her, they can all tell and it pains them. If this had been something physical, a threat they could eliminate, it would be so much easier. But this is something completely out of their control. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How did Booker handle it?” Nile asks after a while and Joe can’t help but tense up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” he swallows around the lump in his throat, along with his pride, “We’ll contact him, ask him in person.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’d do that?” Nile sounds so small, so young, a complete contrast to what she’s usually like.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Joe rubs his thumb over the back of her palm, “For you, anything.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>To everyone’s surprise they don’t end up needing to contact Booker. He runs into him while taking a stroll through the busy streets of Madrid. It feels wrong to see him like this, he looks so unsure, debating whether to go up to him or run away. Joe can understand the conflict but he only hesitates for a second before walking over to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Booker.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe.” he nods his head in greeting, “I didn’t know you were in Spain.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nile wanted to see it.” he offers, feeling awkward in a way that he’d never been around Booker before, “Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I?” he looks something between guarded and hopeful. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, give me your phone.” he does as asked and Joe quickly types in their address, “Does 7PM sound good?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” the corner of his lips tug upwards ever so slightly, “I’ll see you then.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dinner is awkward but pleasant and Joe longs for a time when this can be a regular occurance again, all of them together with the wounds that are currently still piecing themselves together are completely healed. He can almost pretend nothing is different as he watches Booker and Nicky wash the dishes together and listens to Andy and Nile speaking in hushed tones out on the patio. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So what brings you to Madrid?” Andy asks once they join them outside, bellies full and each nursing a drink of their choice, their safe houses are always stocked with various bottles of expensive alcohol.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just wanted a vacation I guess, Britain has been awfully glum these past few weeks.” he chuckles but Joe doesn’t understand the joke, “Nile,” he says and turns to the youngest, “You seem tired, are they training you too hard?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She shakes her head with a fond smile and spares a quick glance at Joe before sombering slightly, “I have trouble sleeping.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He hums in understanding, and looks over at Andy briefly before turning back to Nile, “Quynh?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have them too, the dreams, right?” Nile asks, sounding almost desperate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” he looks at Andy again but she refuses to meet any of their eyes, far more interested in watching the wine glass she’s swirling in her hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you deal with it?” Nile asks,</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I self medicate.” he takes a sip of his whisky and chuckles, “I’m not gonna sugar coat it kid, there’s no easy fix. Every night from now on until her time comes - or yours-, you will dream of her. But you get used to it, I couldn't fall back asleep in the beginning either but in time you will. If you’re okay with taking pills I can give you some suggestions that work with our… predicament.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll take anything.” Nile says quickly and Booker’s eyes soften in sympathy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Andy retires soon after that conversation and Joe gets it, she doesn’t enjoy being reminded of Quynh even though he knows that she’s always on her mind, a constant presence in the shape of guilt. He’s not particularly fond of thinking about his friend endlessly being tortured at the bottom of the ocean where none of them can find her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nile keeps yawning and Nicky eventually drags her to bed and Joe knows he won’t come back, not wanting to leave her alone in case she dreams, which she definitely will. Booker pours himself another glass and Joe feels uncomfortable watching him, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Booker without a flask in his jacket or a drink in his hand in the evenings.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You never told us that’s why you drink.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not the only reason.” Bookers chuckles humorlessly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Book-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You all got so sad whenever I mentioned her,” he interupts, long since having learnt that he’s not able to sidestep his questions, “so I just stopped. I didn’t want to add to your pain.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what about your pain?” Joe counters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who cares about that?” Booker says coldly and stands, Joe can’t seem to find his words, “It was good seeing you all. Tell the others goodbye for me, will you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then he’s gone, just like that.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please let me know what you think! </p>
<p>This is a request fill from an ask on Tumblr, come talk to me over there pls:<br/><a href="https://ebbatriestowrite.tumblr.com/">EbbaTriesToWrite</a><br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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